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自嘲の歌

　どれだけの好意を足蹴にしてきたのかはわからないが、その当時は確かにうざいと感じた。
　その甲斐あって、いまではすっかり孤独だ。

輝いても温室の中
駆け足で恥多き時代は
嫌な記憶だけ残して流れた
他人事のように
もう思い出しはしない

五体は満足で
家族は穏やかで
傷ひとつ無い生い立ち
それが負い目に感じられた
不幸ではない？　それだけ

私は幸せだよ？
寝床もあるし水も餌もあるし
そんなの寂しいと言うキミの中に
驕りと憐れみを見たんだ
誰もが望むから、私はあえてそれを拒んだんだ

友達は皆追い出し　忘れ去ってしまった
恋人はもういない　殺して埋めてしまった
ふと思い出す在りし日の歌
抜けない毒の棘のように
微かな痛みだけ残して

本能の気紛れで
こんな私に手を差し伸べたヒト
「この手を離さないで」
繋いだ手の中に手首から先しか残されていなくても
それが私だと思って

しかしたら私は幸せになれたのかもしれない
でも思い出さぬように
凍らせて
しずめて

The Song of My Past Days

　How much did I refuse good wills for me?
　I have already forgot such things.
　So, I am really loneliness.

I lived a full life then,
But it was in the glasshouse.
The such springtime of my life has gone so fast,
It left me onry sad memories.
I don't feel reality that days.
Maybe, I will never remembered that time again.

My body does no have bad things.
My family are friendly.
My life is not bad,
They said to me you don't have unhappy things.
But I could not say I am happy.

I was given the enough things.
I had a bed, a foods and water to drink,
Just it was enough as keeping my life.
You said to me, it's sad life.
But you were thinking I was poor people,I knew.
If every one want such a situation,
I refused you.

I broke off relations of all friends.
I lost my dearest lover,
I killed her and buried her deeply.
The song for past days occur to my mind,
it give me a little pain.
That looks like a thorn which cannot remove away.

That day, you reached out your hand to me,
It was of your whim and involuntary, I think so.

"Keep holding my hand"

If there is my hand which is not perfect style in your hand,
please believe it's me.

I think that it was chance I will be happy.

however,
that memory
was froze,
and was sank,
by me.

A Lyric for English by akari-A

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