Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park Shaves in the dark trying to save paper Sleeps in a hole in the road Saving up to buy some clothes Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose Such a mean old man Such a mean old man His sister Pam works in a shop She never stops, she's a go-getter Takes him out to look at the queen Only place that he's ever been Always shouts out something obscene Such a dirty old man Dirty old man